Death of a Loved One~Especially a Child
One of my facebook friends posted her status this morning announcing that her daughter died last night and that she wants to go with her. Very sad news indeed. I relate very much to this mother’s pain.
We never expect our children to die before us, whether that is in childbirth or years later, whether it is from an illness or accident as in my situation. We can really feel a sense of anger along with our sorrow. It’s just not supposed to be that way! We often hear exclaimed. And of course that does make sense to our minds.
Truth however is a bit different. When we get down to the nuts and bolts on the idea of life on planet earth, there really aren’t many rules or rule-books to tell us what is the right way or wrong way. There are laws of nature, laws of religion and a lot of manmade rules, but the process of life and death is just not clear.
It is what I consider to be the great mystery. Why do some get sick when they seem to do everything right and others seem to do everything wrong and thrive? Why do seemingly good people die young when old wicked ones live on and on?
Those unanswered questions leave many distraught. Although I certainly understand that desire to be with our children rather than live on the planet without them, I also know that each of us has a path. I think its natural to feel that way and I know many parents express it.
Today I simply want to say that this woman’s post is a reminder that life is precious. We just don’t know how long we have here. With over 9 billion people living on the planet now, everyday many leave and new ones arrive. What we do in between that cradle to grave is what’s important.
When my son left the planet I had all the layers of anger, sorrow, guilt and regret that come up over periods of time, but ultimately I had one major gift that has kept me willing to explore this planet even more than I did before. He let me know he was not dead. His body was of course, but not his true self. That part is soaring the Universe and communicating with me all the time. The more I open to his energy the more connected I feel.
So for me it is no different than a child leaving on a jet plane for parts unknown. The sorrow in a parent’s heart is real, but the joy in knowing they are thriving is also real, if we allow it. I would not say this to a parent who just lost a child unless they were asking for my insight. I would not suggest that we all go through this process in the same way, because we do not.
I have gone through the periods of loss, sorrow, anger etc over and over again. I went through the same process but it took much longer when my father died suddenly and I was 9 yrs old. That I was not able to reconcile until much later in my adult life because there simply was not the understanding in our world at that time.
I did the same when my older brother died at age of 23 yrs and I was twenty years. I have gone through the process for each person who left my life. Just in this recent year I went through it with my mother, but every time it is different; because every relationship is different. If there is one suggestion I have about making the process easier, it is to speak our truth all the time. Be quick to forgive ourselves and others. Take time to enjoy each moment. I think that holding grudges are the one human trait that leaves the most destruction in life and death.
So in closing this post I want to share a sense of individuality in the life and death process. Its not one size fits all. We need to have compassion for ourselves and others. Some people will tell you they will never get over it, and for them that will be true. For me there is nothing to get over. It is just a part of my journey. I don’t deny my pain and I don’t deny my joy. We need to allow people to express their truth, its not going to be the same as ours. It is not a competition. Getting to the top of a mountain has many paths, many challenges, sometimes we have friends to join us and sometimes we go alone. Although the goal may be the top, it’s the journey that gives us the gifts.
Like this post? Subscribe to my RSS feed and get loads more!